Omaha can't wait to see you, Pete & Rachel!

This blog is pretty much dead. I've created a MySpace page that you're more than welcome to come to...

www.myspace.com/jessicahensley

March 1st is my big move date. I am thrilled to be moving into a large house with a big backyard, complete with a firepit.

I can never update anymore because I never have time. I miss everyone though. Big time.

Holy shit I spent a lot of money this weekend. I didn't even mean to. It just happened. I think it was finally time just to treat myself and have a good time, since the kids were gone and all. Me and Jim rented movies and ate out a lot, and shopped, and it ruled.

I bought a Fossil wallet, I had to retire my other one; it was literally coming apart at the seams (I can relate). I was this close to buying a PlayStation 2, I have been wanting one for ages but decided to wait until a more appropriate time.

Stopped by GNC and got some women's vitamins, and this appetite suppressant called "Ripped Fuel." I take four a day total and so far, so good. I am not hungry. Because I have a boyfriend that is a bodybuilder, I get very very conscious of my body and my eating habits. He drinks creatine shakes and eats weird rabbit food and I eat Snickers and nachos and pizza. I feel like a fucking pig. So, I am very conscious of my bad habits and would like to change them. Plus, I am tired of looking like Gilbert Grape's mom when I look in the mirror. So, suppressing my appetite is the first step. Not sure where to go from there but damn it, it's a start!

I also bought some incense (YUM!!) and this Asian statue that holds tealight candles. I put it in my room, since I am ATTEMPTING an Asian theme. My living room is Morocco, and my bathroom is....blue.

Take care all.

Currently my face looks like a meat lover's pizza from Pizza Hut.

But thankfully, the angels were on my side. Because, I received an email from a Laser Hair Removal center telling me I won a $300 gift certificate for hair removal or micro-dermabrasion. This is just what I need. All the acne and pizza removed from my face. I won the certificate through KS95, which I don't listen to, but entered the contest on a whim. So, yay me.

The kids are gonna be gone this weekend. I'm stoked. I will have two days to sit and vegetate and read, and maybe smoke, and watch tons of trashtastic cable television, including, but not limited to, COPS (my favorite), America's Most Wanted, The First 48, Intervention, and MSNBC Investigates. I'm such an effing nerd. But damn I'm cool.

Mama Mia! I saw some still photos from Colin Farrell's sex tape. All I can say is, I wasn't a fan before, and I am now. That's a spicy meatball! Colin, if you ever read this, please find me and go down on me.

To all my blogging friends, I will return on Monday. I really need a computer at home. Maybe we could start a fund. I know that there aren't a whole lot of people who can live without my infinite supply of wit and humor.

FAQ'S PART 2 (this is long, so skip it if you like)

01. What is your favorite word? Glitter, harmonica, gel, jingle
02. What is your least favorite word? Twat, or cunt. Only in the American culture, though. :)
03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Reading, nature, the ocean.
04. What turns you off? People who only talk about themselves and their problems, nonstop.
05. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck.
06. What sound or noise do you love? Harps, kids laughing, coins falling and bells jingling at the casino.
07. What sound or noise do you hate? Death metal, yelling, car horns
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? A police officer. Or an Alaskan King Crab fisherman.
09. What profession would you not like to do? Anything involving sewage or insects.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Follow me, you're here to stay."
11. Cut your own hair as an adult? Hell no.
12. Performed on stage, other than karaoke? Yes, I was in drama throughout high school and performed in a couple talent shows.
13. Been burglarized? No.
14. Spraypainted grafitti? No. That is the dumbest shit to do, ever. Hey, let's ruin someone's property to showcase my own stupid fucking art!
15. Fired a gun? Yes. I fired a rifle in the woods once.
16. Meditated outdoors at sunrise or sunset? No.
17. Cut yourself on purpose? Yes. I did the 'blood sisters' thing once with a friend.
18. Smoked a cigar? Yes.
19. Cried while driving? Hahahaha, many, many times.
20. Actually laughed at "Everybody Loves Raymond"? No. In fact, I avoid that show like the plague.
21. Pooped your pants as an adult? If I had, I certainly wouldn't admit it. :)
22. Had a credit card decline while you were trying to pay for something? Yes.
23. Received a gift from a stranger, with no strings attached? Yes. I just got a book in the mail from a blog friend.
24. air-guitared in public (sober)? No.
25. Tasted real moonshine? No.
26. Beaten anyone up? No.
27. Flown a plane?by myself? No.
28. Teased anyone to try to make yourself feel better? Of course. I've acted like a real cunt in my life at times. I'm working on it, though.
29. Unscrewed the top of a salt shaker and left it for someone? No.
30. Ridden in the back of police car? No.
31. Stayed awake for at least 48 hours? Yes.
32. Been up in a hot air balloon? No. I got to stand in the basket once, though, when it was on the ground.
33. Been at least 30 yards from a large wild animal, with no protection? Did my first blind date count?
34. Tried to write a movie script? No.
35. Tried to write a book? Yes.
36. Been a smartass to a phone solicitor? No, I just say "don't call here again" and hang up.
37. Tried dog or cat food out of curiosity? Yes, I used to eat "Bonz" and cat food when I was little.
38. Ripped anyone off for money? Yes, I used to steal out of my mom's purse, and I confessed it to her a few years ago.
40. Made up a joke? Yes. And I'm not half bad!
41. Made self-portrait? Hell no. I'm not good at drawing.
42. Driven a vehicle worth over $50,000? No.
43. Written a letter to the editor? No.
44. Written in a candidate on a voting ballot? Yes, and I believe I wrote Marilyn Monroe.
45. Walked out on a movie?Yes. It was called "House of the Dead" or something...it was a bunch of kids in Seattle who would get killed at raves...I walked out after 20 minutes.
46. Had a crush on a friend's parent? Yes.
47. Won a game the first time you ever tried playing it? No.
48. Had your life saved, outside of a hospital situation? No.
49. Seen a UFO? No.
50. Been to a fortune teller, palm or tarot reader? No. I WOULD go, though. It's just entertainment.
51. Started a fire with no matches or lighter? Yes.
52. Fainted? No.
53. Gotten a wet shoulder from someone crying on it? Yes. More than once, believe me.
54. Eaten something on a dare? Yes, I ate ants once.
55. Screamed at God? Yes. I even swore at Him.
56. Seen a great white shark in the ocean? No, but I saw a smaller shark flipping about on a pier in Santa Monica, though.
57. Instigated someone to break up with you on purpose? Ohhhhh yes.
58. Thrown a snowball at a stranger? No. I never entered my 'punk ass kid' phase, and hopefully my children don't, either.
59. Gotten a mohawk? Fuck no, they're so ugly. Ugh.
60. Danced to music in your head? Yes.
61. Bought something from an infomercial? Yes. I bought the 8-CD "Lost in Love" package.
62. Stood naked in the rain? Hell no. I'm too modest.
63. Made a prank phone call? A gazillion times.
64. Taken someone else's perscription drugs for recreation? No, that shit's dangerous.
65. Gotten in a religious argument? Yes. I briefly dated an athiest once.
66. Put a piece of tinfoil on a cat's foot? No. Why is this asked?
67. Accidentally broken something in a store? No.
68. Told a child there was no Santa? Yes. My daughter. Turned out to be a huge mistake - she blabs it to EVERYONE, even smaller children.
69. Dissected an animal? Yes, a frog.

Fuckin' right!! This rules. I just got this email. Yay for charity!


Date: Jan 5, 2006
Dear Jessica,
Thank you for your generous pledge/gift during the 2005 Employee Giving Campaign. As you know, the ING Foundation had a limited amount for matching pledges and gifts this year, and the match was available on a first-come, first-serve basis. We are pleased to inform you that your pledge to American Red Cross National Relief Fund--Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief, will be matched.
The organization will receive the match no later than January 31, 2006.
Again, thank you for participating in the 2005 Campaign.
Sincerely,
ING Employee Giving Campaign Administration

My God, what a fun holiday. It was so much fun watching the kids get so many presents. It all happened exactly the way I envisioned it.

On Christmas Eve I drank a whole bottle of sparkling wine myself. I didn't really get a buzz but I found myself chainsmoking (and I don't even really smoke!) and was very, very tired. The heartburn at 3am sucked ass. Overall, though, Christmas dinner was FANTASTIC (thanks Sharon!) and I enjoyed my time with everyone.

You know, being away from my family made me forget how much I end up missing people when they go away again. When my dad left last night from his 3-day visit here, I choked up and turned away and almost lost it. For the first time in my life I feel like a Daddy's Girl, and I'm 28. It's the first time in my life that I've felt 100% emotionally tied to certain members of my family. I'm really, really sad that it took this long. But hey, better late than never!

Now if only I could get close to my mom. Maybe I'll try working on it this year.

Happy New Year everyone, and damn it, I miss "In The Attic!"

Merry Christmas, everyone. I won't be back on here until Tuesday. I hope you all get a chance to spend time with your families and enjoy the closeness and warmth.

If you're like me and holidays are usually dismal, well, catch up on some good cable TV and hang out with people that make you laugh. A little liquor never hurt anyone, either. Notice I said 'a little.'

Take care.

I must need my eyes checked. Because I swear to God that I just read on CNN.com that Saddam Hussein is complaining that the soldiers who discovered him beat and tortured him and seven other prisoners.

Now. Anyone ever see the video footage of Saddam himself shooting people kneeling down in the back of the head? Anyone ever seen the birthday party footage of Saddam's nutcase son beating people and killing them? How about the photos and video footage of the children that were walking down the street minding their own business when they were suddenly gassed?

How about the video footage of prisoners being tortured, whipped, electrocuted, humiliated, etc. etc.? Why is this news? Why does the fucking media DO THIS?

Wouldn't you know I missed another of Rachel and Mikey's performances? Unbelievable. How'd it go, guys? I really need to buy a computer. But I need a new car moreso so...what the fuck, man?

This weekend was kind of boring. I did eight loads of laundry and pretty much screamed at kids all weekend long. We rented "War of the Worlds" and "Dukes of Hazzard" (not my idea, obviously) and "Romeo and Juliet" for Gabbie, she's a huge fan of Leo DiCaprio.

Grocery shopping, laundry, oh and, I spent 6 fucking hours in a clinic with my friend on Saturday, that was NOT fun. I had good magazines to read, though. God I'm a good friend.

Claire and Rachel, I've sent your Christmas cards. No one else bothered to give me addresses.

This is the most beautiful/sad (weird to put those two together, I know) story I have ever read in my life:

BOSTON (Reuters) -- Are diamonds really forever?
An anonymous gift-giver left a $15,000 diamond engagement ring to the owner of an unlocked car in western Massachusetts with a typed note hinting at a broken heart.
"Merry Christmas. Thank you for leaving your car door unlocked. Instead of stealing your car I gave you a present. Hopefully this will land in the hands of someone you love, for my love is gone now. Merry Christmas to you," the note said. (Watch footage of the diamond ring -- :40)
The three-diamond ring with a white-gold band appeared on the seat of the man's car at a train station in Westborough, about 30 miles west of Boston, on December 7, police said. Four days later, the man reported it to police.
"This appears to be random," said Westborough Police Lt. Paul Donnelly. "I think there was a search for a car that was unlocked."
The 37-year-old man decided to keep the ring after a jeweler appraised its value at $15,000, police said.

Holy shit, someone stop me!

Today is potluck day at work. Our entire floor (HUGE) is participating in a floor-wide potluck and each section is a different meal. One section is breakfast, etc.

There are bagels, orange juice, muffins, bars, brownies, everything you can imagine. For lunch people have brought hamburgers, red seasoned potatoes, everything...chips and dip, crackers, meats, cheeses...

I cannot stop eating. This is scary. But fucking delicious!